Anger Seen Through the Eyes of Yoga

I recently came back from a silent meditation retreat and had a wonderful and sobering opportunity to look at how anger shows up in my body, breath, and mind. It is an emotion that I have spent decades trying to avoid, deny, and will away 😛, but it was such a relief to give it some space and attention it had been demanding for so long.

I have found that anger carries a lot of taboo in our society, similar to sex, where our relationship with it tends to be out of control, suppressed, or in denial. We rarely see the deep intelligence of this emotion and end up becoming its servant instead of allowing it to serve and support us toward deeper wisdom and freedom.

It is a topic that is surprisingly discussed very little in Yoga spaces. I think this is a real missed opportunity, where we could be supporting and modeling to our students a healthy way of relating to anger and being guided by its wisdom. It is surprising because Yoga teachers spend a lot of time talking about light and tending to ourselves with care, but our anger is often one of the biggest reasons we struggle to access that light, and is an emotion that calls our attention to something that is in deep need of care.

So how do we start? First, we need to notice its presence.

Step 1: Learning to Notice Its Presence

In my observation, anger is a slippery emotion that is quite tricky to detect. The mind can have a deflective relationship with this emotion and easily get lost in one of the following habit cycles. We might:

• Pretend it isn’t there, we lock it up in the basement, cover it with a rug, and put a cabinet over it;
• Explosively express it with feelings of blinding righteousness;
• Scramble to fix the discomfort and make it go away; or
• Let it simmer over a flame of repetitive stories filled with resentment or shame.

One of the things I love about the Yogic tradition is that instead of trying to navigate the mind with the mind, we have the opportunity to build a loving awareness of our mind through the body and breath.

Yoga Sutra 1.31 helps us understand this relationship between our breath, body, and mind. It says:

“Dukkha Daurmanasya Aṅgamejayatva Svāsapraśvāsāḥ Vikṣepa Sahabhuvaḥ.”

“Suffering, negative mental states, discomfort or instability in the body, and irregularity of the breath are the distractions that accompany the hindrances on the path of Yoga.”

This Sutra helps us see that we can start to notice the presence of anger, by noticing our breath and body, before we move on to examine our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

It is smoke that alerts us to fire.

I love the analogy of a house on fire. Usually, the first indication that a house is on fire is not the fire itself, but the presence of smoke. If we notice the smoke, we can infer that there must be a fire somewhere and then set out to detect the source of the fire to put it out (if it is safe to do so!).

So what is the smoke that indicates the fire of anger may be present?

Physically, we may notice an immediate feeling of rising heat, shallow or short breaths, tightness and tension in the body, trouble feeling connected to the lower parts of the body, or an increased heart rate due to activation of the sympathetic system. In the medium term, we may notice trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, or certain habits with eating, drinking, sexual stimulation, or media consumption that we unconsciously turn to as distractions when anger is present.

Once we are able to notice the physical symptoms, then mentally we may also notice:

• Repetitive stories that focus on the behavior of others
• Vivid memories and painful emotions from times when we felt our boundaries were transgressed or needs weren’t met
• A judgmental narrator that critiques the behaviors of the “offenders”
• A judgmental narrator that quietly critiques our own experience, actions, and reactions
• A sense of numbness or complete disconnection from feeling altogether

Reading this may feel heavy. If it rings true and you have been stuck here for a long time, it can feel helpless not knowing how to move forward. But don’t lose hope as this can be worked with!

Step 2: Seeing Our Anger as a Guest of God

How would we feel if we showed up at the home of a loved one and they did not invite us in, kept us at the door, criticised us, and then slammed the door shut? That is what we often do to anger. It comes lovingly, wanting to show us something about a hurt we have experienced, and we reactively turn it away as quickly as possible.

One poem that has helped me a lot in reframing my attitude to anger is The Guest House by the Sufi saint Jalaluddin Rumi:

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

I also love the teaching from the Taittiriya Upanishad that says Atithi Devo Bhava — “Guest is God.” I try to see each emotion as a guest from the Divine. When I am able to hold this deeper wisdom and reframe what anger truly is, my attitude shifts toward generosity, hospitality, and affection for this emotion.

Step 4: Welcoming our Anger with Hospitality and Love

If we continue with this analogy, then what actions can we take to welcome this guest? These are the steps that I follow:

• Distinguish the feeling from the story: I give space to the anger itself. I notice its sensations in my body, distinguishing it as distinct from the narrative that triggered it.
• Create space around the feeling: I feel and visualise the anger as an energy with a particular size, texture, colour, and shape, and imagine it sitting within a larger space. This helps my heart experience space from the story. The same way I would not sit on top of my guest, but would offer them space and a seat of their own.
• Soften towards and welcome the feeling: Rather than fighting or turning away from anger, I allow myself to soften toward it with compassion, and if possible breathe with it. I try to welcome it like a guest who cares for me.
• If I cannot access the feeling, I soften toward the reaction: When there is a big trigger, there is often numbness, a wall, or another layer of reactivity. I soften with compassion to that reaction instead. As I lovingly make room for the more surface layer reactions, eventually the space arises to welcome the anger itself.
• Compassion for the pain beneath anger: At its core, anger is bringing attention to a deeper hurt that wants love. It may be grief, fear, or shame. All of it is looking for unconditional acceptance and compassion, which I then work to create space for.

Step 5: Creating Loving Space for Shame and the Inner Critic

One of the biggest barriers to welcoming our angry guest is the quiet ‘Inner Critic’ that smothers everything we notice with a thin film of “not good enough.” We may notice feelings of shame and beliefs about why we “shouldn’t” feel angry. We may even feel that the thing we are hurt about is somehow our own fault. Both the inner critic and shame too can be welcomed as a guest.

Shame is simply the tender innocence of the heart craving unconditional love, the way a child craves a parent’s unconditional love. When we can separate the story, and witness the shame with warmth and patience, the heart begins to soften and transform, receiving the love it always craved.

We can also create space for the inner critic by understanding that the inner critic is a product of the mind trying to help and protect us. The intentions of the inner critic are noble, but its stories are misguided. The stories of the inner critic are simple “good” vs “bad” stories, as if narrated from the perspective of a child. This voice is unable to see the nuanced layers or complexity of our human nature. Hence the inner critic is incapable of the forgiveness that arises from a more mature awareness that can understand a situation clearly and compassionately .

It is when we befriend the inner critic that we begin to see all the societal taboos we have internalised from society about anger. We finally gain the opportunity to release all these misguided taboos, and allow ourselves to be authentic with our own selves about what is really going on. Welcoming the inner critic, and making friends with shame, anger and fear, is the beginning of becoming free from the control of all these emotions and narratives.

Step 6: Forgiveness arises naturally

I’ve had to learn the hard way that forgiveness cannot be forced. When we are able to soften toward our own experience and give kind space to all of our feelings, we naturally begin to soften and become curious to the experience of those who hurt us (personally or more societally). We begin to see the causes and conditions that lead to their actions. We also realise that in some cases there may be more positive regard present then we have had the ability to let in.

As this understanding begins to develop we naturally come to a point where we receive the invitation to let go of the story that has fueled our anger. In this moment we have to make a choice to let go of an old identity that was fed by this story. It can feel tricky because it’s unfamiliar emotional territory – who are we if we aren’t defined by the grievance we held on to for such a long time? If we can take this leap, then forgiveness arises and we experience another step towards freedom.

Step 7: Creating the Conditions for a Clearer Mind

All of this becomes much easier when we support ourselves to relate more clearly to our heart and mind. A healthy diet, plenty of water, exercise, rest, nourishing activities, Yoga, and meditation all assist us to look honestly at emotions we are not in the habit of facing. It also helps to spend time in nature and in the presence of people who embody the qualities of calmness and compassion, their steadiness reminds our nervous system of its own capacity for peace.

Side note: Getting Help with Trauma

If you are dealing with a traumatic experience or are new to working with your emotions, it is always wise to seek support from a professional, this could be a therapist or a skilled teacher. Having a skilled and compassionate guide can help you navigate the intensity of these emotions safely.

Anger that illuminates

Anger, when seen through the eyes of Yoga, is not an enemy to be silenced or a problem to be fixed. It is a messenger from within, a sacred guest sent to reveal the places within ourselves where love is still needed. When we stop resisting it and start listening, anger ceases to control us and instead becomes a wise guide.

Through practice, patience, and gentleness, what once felt like fire that could destroy us, reveals its quality of warmth and powerful illumination. Happy Diwali, may the fire illuminate the places that have yet seen the light.